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General New Jersey Surf and New York Surf Discussion Forums => Main Room - General New York Surf and New Jersey Surf Discussions => Topic started by: Joeyvee on August 05, 2005, 12:48:15 PM

Title: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: Joeyvee on August 05, 2005, 12:48:15 PM
TAKE THE TEST...THEN COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the
rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but
gay-it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
about how
you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now
think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!"
Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oys! ters, crawfish guts, pickled pigsfeet, or
breasts. Anything else an d you are in training to suck El Dicko and
undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the
poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight
man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will
never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had
Nutrasweet in your mouth, you've had a dick there too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real
man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA,
college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If! you can pick out chartreuse or you know
what a "fressier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
other than denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it--you're hungry for a
meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass
driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to
change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the
bitch in the passenger seat.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vousle Gay,
oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman
who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself
or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual
combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.
Title: Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: skSURF on August 05, 2005, 01:06:24 PM
I take offense to #6. I know alot of desserts and roygbiv the 7 basic collors from physics.

In #7 you forgot to add ajusting your boys and I don't mean offspring. An exception for drifting, drvine past a cop after having a few and if you have the inlaws/girlfriends parrents (applies to latter more)  in the car.
Title: Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: Badfish on August 05, 2005, 01:09:28 PM
yea number 6 means nothing: chocolate ice cream, vanilla ice cream, chocolate chip, cookie dough
Title: Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: The Lone Surfer on August 05, 2005, 01:17:10 PM
This is really hysterical. Can someone post some of these for Jews and Niggers? I bet those would be a blast.
Title: Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: skSURF on August 05, 2005, 01:37:46 PM
You might be a white trash if...
 Your pick up is older then you.
 you have cars parked in your front yard that don't run.
 You've dated anyone in your fammilly including your cusin removed twice.
 You live in a town were 70 percent of the population has one of two names.
 You got laid for the first time in the back of your daddy's car while parked in your parrents driveway..
 You made an apperance in girls gone wild.
 You have a porn tape on the internet from an ex boyfriend.
Title: Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: Crackie Onassis on August 05, 2005, 02:13:14 PM
Quote
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it--you're hungry for a
meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass
driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to
change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the
bitch in the passenger seat.

And shift gears. any man who can't drive a stick is half a man.
Title: Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: skSURF on August 05, 2005, 02:18:50 PM
I never drove a stick but I can shift a bike.
Title: Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: skSURF on August 05, 2005, 02:20:28 PM
I had this whole big speach about if you can't laugh at yourself then.... But if I have to do that then I've lost already.
Title: Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: Bubbala on August 05, 2005, 02:29:48 PM
And shift gears. any man who can't drive a stick is half a man.

My brother tells a very funny story about being at the home of a pedal steel legend in central Tennessee.  He is staying there for a week to learn at the foot of master, blah, blah, blah.  Guy picks up my brother at the bus station in a '58 Standard Deluxe.  Apparently this is the "new" vehicle on the ranch.  So, if my brother needs anything from town, he has to drive the '58 SD.  Problem is, he doesn't know how to drive a manual transmission.  Not only that, this is a manual transmission of the "three on the tree" variety.  Needless to say, Tennessee mountain-man thought my brother was a little "funny".  He taught him how to play pedal steel, but I'm pretty sure he still can't drive stick.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Title: Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: Psycho on August 05, 2005, 02:48:21 PM
Uh Oh, loosness, he might be, well ya know. ;D
Title: Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: jscottk on August 05, 2005, 02:54:06 PM



And shift gears. any man who can't drive a stick is half a man.

My brother tells a very funny story about being at the home of a pedal steel legend in central Tennessee.  He is staying there for a week to learn at the foot of master, blah, blah, blah.  Guy picks up my brother at the bus station in a '58 Standard Deluxe.  Apparently this is the "new" vehicle on the ranch.  So, if my brother needs anything from town, he has to drive the '58 SD.  Problem is, he doesn't know how to drive a manual transmission.  Not only that, this is a manual transmission of the "three on the tree" variety.  Needless to say, Tennessee mountain-man thought my brother was a little "funny".  He taught him how to play pedal steel, but I'm pretty sure he still can't drive stick.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.


Three on a tree is managable, wait till your boss tells you to go move his vintage 1956 volkwagen with the German slanted 5 speed.
Title: Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
Post by: The Knot on August 05, 2005, 07:37:55 PM
LOL i'am no homo whoooooooooo desert what the Fuck is that give me more steak and potato's . And lunch is cold budweisers theres a sandwich in every can   ;D