TAKE THE TEST...THEN COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the
rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but
gay-it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
about how
you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now
think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!"
Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oys! ters, crawfish guts, pickled pigsfeet, or
breasts. Anything else an d you are in training to suck El Dicko and
undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the
poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight
man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will
never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had
Nutrasweet in your mouth, you've had a dick there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real
man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA,
college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If! you can pick out chartreuse or you know
what a "fressier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it--you're hungry for a
meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass
driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to
change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the
bitch in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vousle Gay,
oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman
who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself
or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual
combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.
