Author Topic: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny  (Read 775 times)

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Offline Joeyvee

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Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
« on: August 05, 2005, 12:48:15 PM »
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  • TAKE THE TEST...THEN COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!

    1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It
    means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the
    rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

    2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but
    gay-it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
    touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
    about how
    you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here!" Now
    think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!"
    Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

    3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
    nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
    bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oys! ters, crawfish guts, pickled pigsfeet, or
    breasts. Anything else an d you are in training to suck El Dicko and
    undeniably a fag.

    4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
    lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
    bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

    5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the
    poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight
    man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will
    never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had
    Nutrasweet in your mouth, you've had a dick there too.

    6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
    dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real
    man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
    well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA,
    college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If! you can pick out chartreuse or you know
    what a "fressier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile
    other than denim, you are faggadocious.

    7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it--you're hungry for a
    meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass
    driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to
    change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the
    bitch in the passenger seat.

    8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vousle Gay,
    oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman
    who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself
    or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual
    combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too quickly.

    Offline skSURF

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    Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
    « Reply #1 on: August 05, 2005, 01:06:24 PM »
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  • I take offense to #6. I know alot of desserts and roygbiv the 7 basic collors from physics.

    In #7 you forgot to add ajusting your boys and I don't mean offspring. An exception for drifting, drvine past a cop after having a few and if you have the inlaws/girlfriends parrents (applies to latter more)  in the car.
    Trust in the board.

    Offline Badfish

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    Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
    « Reply #2 on: August 05, 2005, 01:09:28 PM »
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  • yea number 6 means nothing: chocolate ice cream, vanilla ice cream, chocolate chip, cookie dough
    Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality. - Bertrand Russell

    Offline The Lone Surfer

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    Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
    « Reply #3 on: August 05, 2005, 01:17:10 PM »
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  • This is really hysterical. Can someone post some of these for Jews and Niggers? I bet those would be a blast.

    Offline skSURF

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    Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
    « Reply #4 on: August 05, 2005, 01:37:46 PM »
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  • You might be a white trash if...
     Your pick up is older then you.
     you have cars parked in your front yard that don't run.
     You've dated anyone in your fammilly including your cusin removed twice.
     You live in a town were 70 percent of the population has one of two names.
     You got laid for the first time in the back of your daddy's car while parked in your parrents driveway..
     You made an apperance in girls gone wild.
     You have a porn tape on the internet from an ex boyfriend.
    Trust in the board.

    Offline Crackie Onassis

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    Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
    « Reply #5 on: August 05, 2005, 02:13:14 PM »
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  • Quote
    7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it--you're hungry for a
    meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass
    driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to
    change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the
    bitch in the passenger seat.

    And shift gears. any man who can't drive a stick is half a man.
    So heavy you can't even pick it up.

    Offline skSURF

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    Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
    « Reply #6 on: August 05, 2005, 02:18:50 PM »
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  • I never drove a stick but I can shift a bike.
    Trust in the board.

    Offline skSURF

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    Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
    « Reply #7 on: August 05, 2005, 02:20:28 PM »
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  • I had this whole big speach about if you can't laugh at yourself then.... But if I have to do that then I've lost already.
    Trust in the board.

    Bubbala

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    Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
    « Reply #8 on: August 05, 2005, 02:29:48 PM »
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  • And shift gears. any man who can't drive a stick is half a man.

    My brother tells a very funny story about being at the home of a pedal steel legend in central Tennessee.  He is staying there for a week to learn at the foot of master, blah, blah, blah.  Guy picks up my brother at the bus station in a '58 Standard Deluxe.  Apparently this is the "new" vehicle on the ranch.  So, if my brother needs anything from town, he has to drive the '58 SD.  Problem is, he doesn't know how to drive a manual transmission.  Not only that, this is a manual transmission of the "three on the tree" variety.  Needless to say, Tennessee mountain-man thought my brother was a little "funny".  He taught him how to play pedal steel, but I'm pretty sure he still can't drive stick.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    Psycho

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    Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
    « Reply #9 on: August 05, 2005, 02:48:21 PM »
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  • Uh Oh, loosness, he might be, well ya know. ;D

    jscottk

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    Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
    « Reply #10 on: August 05, 2005, 02:54:06 PM »
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  • And shift gears. any man who can't drive a stick is half a man.

    My brother tells a very funny story about being at the home of a pedal steel legend in central Tennessee.  He is staying there for a week to learn at the foot of master, blah, blah, blah.  Guy picks up my brother at the bus station in a '58 Standard Deluxe.  Apparently this is the "new" vehicle on the ranch.  So, if my brother needs anything from town, he has to drive the '58 SD.  Problem is, he doesn't know how to drive a manual transmission.  Not only that, this is a manual transmission of the "three on the tree" variety.  Needless to say, Tennessee mountain-man thought my brother was a little "funny".  He taught him how to play pedal steel, but I'm pretty sure he still can't drive stick.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.


    Three on a tree is managable, wait till your boss tells you to go move his vintage 1956 volkwagen with the German slanted 5 speed.
    « Last Edit: August 05, 2005, 03:25:12 PM by jscottk »

    Offline The Knot

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    Re: Take the test you pillow biters.. funny
    « Reply #11 on: August 05, 2005, 07:37:55 PM »
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  • LOL i'am no homo whoooooooooo desert what the Fuck is that give me more steak and potato's . And lunch is cold budweisers theres a sandwich in every can   ;D