thinking about this post when I had to go get a few groceries last week and thought I'll take my backpack in to carry out the groceries and save a bag.... the 10 gallons of gas that was wasted when the cops left their cars running wasn't something I anticipated.
Apparently, walking into a grocery store with a backpack causes a lot of suspicion and a visit from security. When they take you into the parking lot and ask which vehicle is yours, driving a white panel van with no windows doesn't help the situation. It gets worse. I have a PVC rack system in the van for carrying boards around and, at the time I made them, thought it would be 'funny' to put biohazard stickers on the ends. I have these larger end caps where I put my wax and assorted melted wax colors wasn't making any of this go any better. My wetsuit bucket has a harzardous material bucket - bright yellow with the neon red explosives warning label. It's just going down hill... that's when the handcuffs went on.
The cops don't want anything to do with anything inside after seeing the biohazard and explosion warning labels and I can't really blame them. This was the reason I did it. If someone broke into my van, they would see all that crap and hopefully, leave it alone and be afraid. Well, the cops were afraid and nobody wanted to look inside the bucket because "it could be rigged".. oh sh!t!
I have smoked for a long time and recently quit smoking and started using a vaporizer to quite smoking (works great btw). The ones I got all sucked because the batteries wouldn't last long enough, so I made one out of.. you guesses it, a 6 inch piece of pipe with a big button on it. It holds a huge 3.7v battery that.. anyway, it looks like a pipebomb and having it in my pocket did nothing to help my situation.
I might has well been speaking Farsi at that point, because nothing I was saying was helping.
Once they figured out the vaporizer wasn't a pipebomb, it was then determined I was "hoped up on dope" and crazy. A call was being made to get the bomb squad out and to evacuate the store. I'm now in the back of a police car hogtied, talking to one of the officers... I wasn't under arrest, so I didn't have the right to remain silent and so I didn't
"I was trying to save a plastic bag. Just a bag, one bag. Was it worth all this? Was one f*#kin plastic bag worth them blowing up my van in a parking lot? No, it's not! I'll have to walk to work. I don't want to take the bus. I don't want to take the bus. I hate the bus, it smells like vomit and piss. This is what I get for trying to 'help the environment'! I try to help, but instead, my van's going to be scrap, this parking lot is going to be filled with gas and antifreeze and it all drains back into the river. I try and save one bag and instead, I create an ecological disaster zone! A bag, can you believe it! The stickers are on the pipes because I don't want people stealing my stuff and after all those break-ins at the beach, I am doing what it takes to keep my stuff. The bucket came from when I worked at a warehouse and found a shipping container book. I'm not a terrorist, I'm not some greenpeace hippy, I'm just a guy who thought, 'maybe I can help in some small way'. Lot of good that did me. Please man, there's nothing flammable in the van other than the gas tank and it's full $73 worth of gas, I can't afford to loose that, much less the whole vehicle. Nothing is rigged, there's nothing dangerous in there. That smell is my wetsuit not fertilizer! I don't want to blow up anything, I just wanted some coffee for tomorrow morning. Sh1t!....
then I was quite for about 10 seconds...
I'm going to be on the news for this crap and you are too and when they figure out all that's in that van is neoprene, water and wax, we're all going to look stupid and when the press learns I have a surfrider plate on my van and that I am an officer of surfrider foundation and the person who wrote the motion to ban plastic on the beach... the brown trout is going to hit the fan. I hope it's not an election year, 'cause this one is going to be on CNN.
About an hour later, I was driving home.
I now use one of those green cloth shopping bags that says "shopping bag" i big letters and has a big recycle symbol on it (no doubt made from some toxic pain). Being called a tree hugger may not be a term of endearment, but being called a terrorist will scare the shot out of you.